Boyce and Negotiating

Boyce: Mom, I'll make you a deal. I'll get up and go to school if you put some candy in my lunch.

Me: You're going to go to school regardless of what "deals" you want to make with me.

Boyce: Mom, just do it, okay? Getting dressed in exchange for candy.

Me: Uh, no. How about I force you into your clothes and into the school AND you get NO candy?

Boyce: Fine, I get it. You aren't in the mood to make a deal today. We'll just try again tomorrow.

Good Luck with that, Kid! 
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Boyce's Innovations

Boyce: Mom, my pillow and bed get so hot when I'm sleeping. That's why I take my sheets and pillow case off all the time. I'm so hot. I slept on the floor last night because the wood kept me cool. Is there a pillow that stays cold over the whole night?

Me: Actually, yes, there are "cooling pillows". I can see about getting you one.

Boyce: They are already made up? I thought I had a good idea!
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Boyceism's Can Now Be Viewed on Twitter!

The kid refuses to wear clothes at home! Dancing to Blurred Lines (@JimmyFallon Version) http://t.co/cwuAj8DT87 via @youtube #OhBoyItsBoyce

— Boyce P. (@OhBoyItsBoyce) August 5, 2013

Boyce's Demands and Negotiations

Boyce: The longer you don't stop working and come make my lunch, that's how long I'm going to yell, "I'm hungry!", as loud as I can in your face.

He yelled it about 100 times before he got frustrated and stomped off. 

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Boyce: Mom, I'll be quiet and leave you alone if you take me to McDonald's.

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Boyce: Mom, can you call Drew and Jax and Daniel L.'s moms and make a playdate?

Me: Sure, I can do that. Should we invite Allie, too? Her mom asked to do a playdate with you also.

Boyce: No, she's not on my list.

Me: What list?

Boyce: The list of kids that are allowed to play with me. If they aren't on my list, then you don't need to call their mom.

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Was awakened by the boy saying, "How do you scare a bee? BOO BEE!" and the painful twist that accompanies that joke. He then said, "Make me my pancakes, Lady!". 

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"Mom, do me a favorite. I need you to fold the laundry in that basket."

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Boyce: Mom, you need to go ahead and order a hot tub.

Me: Oh really? Why is that?

Boyce: Because they are so relaxing...and hot.

Me: Well, they really aren't for kids.

Boyce: Just get one, Mom. I'm about to be 5 already.

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Boyce: Mom, will you scratch my back?

::Scratching::

Boyce: You're not doing it right. Scratch all over!

::More Scratching::

Boyce: Okay, you're done now.

Boyce on Education and School

Me: How's your new class going, Boyce?

Boyce: Well, I'm a little frustrated today. 

Me: Why?

Boyce: Because I made a volcano....not a real one, of course...and it didn't even have smoke or lava come out!

Me: Do you think that's because it was made out of blocks?

Boyce: Mom, volcanos made out of blocks should at least have some hot smoke coming out or something!

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Me: Boyce, tell me 2 things you did at school today.

Boyce: I didn't go to time out and I went poop on the potty.

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Boyce: Mom, why do I have to go to camp today?

Me: You have to go to camp because it is fun and because I have to work.

Boyce: Well, I'm going to lose my job on the SWAT team if I keep missing work. Bad guys don't care if I'm at school.

Deep Thoughts by Boyce

Boyce: So, today is your birthday?

Me: Yep.

Boyce: Wow, I didn't think people could live that long!

Me: Crazy, I know.

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(In the car)

Boyce: Mom, can you turn down my air? I'm freezing back here! I thought I was going to turn into ice!

Me: Okay, no need to be dramatic.

Boyce: Snakes are fast.

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Me: Boyce, I like when you're a nice boy. Can you be nice ALL the time?

Boyce: Hmmmmm.....I'll tryyyy.
Me: Good.

Boyce: That's not a "yes", that's a "we'll see".

Touche, son. Using my own words against me! 

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Boyce stayed home with me today and I told him I'd get him a small toy if he stayed quiet during my conference calls. He did, surprisingly! When I was at the store, I got him a small helicopter toy. He informed me that he was promised a "cool" toy and this wasn't "cool" so I need to take it back. Next time I will just lock him in the closet.

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Boyce: Mom, what happens if you accidentally eat a black watermelon seed?

Me: Your stomach closes up and you can't poop or pee ever again. Why, did you eat one???

Boyce: (look of horror on his face and tearing up) Nnnnnnoooo.

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Boyce: My bear's name is Grandpa Bear.

Me: Oh, really? What does he say?

Boyce: We talk about a lot. Like, his dad got killed.

Me: How did he get killed?

Boyce: It's a really weird story. I'll tell you in the morning. But, all you need to know is he and Grandma Bear got killed. Grandpa Bear got killed by a deer. Grandma Bear got killed too. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

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Boyce: Mom, can you call Drew and Jax and Daniel L.'s moms and make a playdate?

Me: Sure, I can do that. Should we invite Allie, too? Her mom asked to do a playdate with you also.

Boyce: No, she's not on my list.

Me: What list?

Boyce: The list of kids that are allowed to play with me. If they aren't on my list, then you don't need to call their mom.

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Me: Boyce, don't touch my files again! ::swats at his leg::

Boyce: Don't do that! I'm calling the cops on you! ::pretends to hold a phone to his ear:: 

Hello, cops? Come take Mommy to jail! And, hurry up please!

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Boyce and his Sister

Emily: Boyce, let's play the quiet game.

Boyce: No, because I don't want to be quiet and that game is stupid.

Emily: You're not the boss!

Boyce: I may not be the boss but I am the king!

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Boyce insisted over the holidays that Emily needed a "pretty dress" for Christmas so I took him and let him pick one out for her.  A couple of weeks later...

Boyce: Mom, Emily hasn't worn the pretty dress I got her. So, she hasn't looked pretty at all.

Me: Well, she's probably saving it for a special occasion.

Boyce: It is rude to not wear the things people buy you. That's why I've been bothering her everyday.

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Me: Boyce, why do you ask so many questions?

Boyce: Because I have only been around a few years. There's still lots I don't know!

Emily: No, it's just because you're annoying.

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Heard from coming my living room: "Emily! Come get the duct tape off of your brother!!"

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We're at the park and the kids are pretending they are on a pirate ship. The conversation sounds like this:

Emily: Matey, go swab the poop deck!

Boyce: Mom! Sissy said a bad word!

Me: No, a poop deck is really part of a ship.

Boyce: Well, why is there poop on the deck? I've never pooped on the floor in my whole life!

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Boyce: Mommy, is Sissy helping to watch me again today?

Rebecca: Yes, a little bit.

Boyce: Well, let's see if she survives today.

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Boyce: I thought we were going to the gym. You're going the wrong way!

Me: No, we're going to the other location. How do you know we're going the wrong way anyway?

Emily: He's a smart kid, even though he doesn't act like it all the time.

Boyce: See? Sissy gets it.

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Why is Boyce in trouble today? He pants'ed his sister in the front yard.

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